I’ve always been the type of person who knows exactly what I want out of my life. Of course, my dreams have changed a lot over the years – I was adamant for most of my life that I was destined to be a journalist – but I’ve never had a moment of doubt in between dreams. That is, until the past couple of weeks in which I’ve doubted my career path and my career choice in its entirety. I’ve questioned a million times why I chose this degree in the first place and if I even want to continue with it at all.
I’ve noticed I’m not alone in this thinking – I’ve spoken to a lot of people recently who feel the same. My cousin, who is currently undertaking a Masters in Psychology, decided a few weeks ago (after careful consideration) that she was going to switch to computer science. My boyfriend is considering becoming a police officer despite being over half way in his law/commerce degree. Although having a moment of doubt has terrified me, at least I know I’m not alone and that this is relatively normal.
I think a lot of my doubt comes from a lack of confidence in my abilities. I’ve been experiencing feelings of inadequacy, lack of motivation, and a genuine perplexity as to my future – anyone who knows me will tell you that this is so unlike me. Instead of waking up every morning feeling excited to tackle my classes, I’ve been feeling alone, tired, and terrified that my dreams may never see a reality because they are simply too big. Becoming a lawyer is no easy feat, and obviously I’m painfully aware of that. Like many other professions, it requires discipline, passion, and a hell of a lot of determination in order to even get your foot in the door. It’s a challenge that I used to feel motivated by, but I now feel afraid of.
Most of my blog posts come to a conclusion/solution of some sort, but today I mostly wanted to generate discussion. Have you ever felt/been feeling this way too? Is it normal? What outcome did you reach?
I’ll leave you with something a friend said to me yesterday. She said, “you know, if your dream doesn’t scare you, it’s not big enough.” Maybe that’s all I needed to hear. My dreams are scary because they’re big dreams, but dreaming big is better than limiting yourself any day of the week.